A stunned silence.

Over the years I have had to come to grips with the deaths of quite a few loved ones and friends: drownings, cancer, accidents, and suicides.

While each death has left an empty spot in my heart, the memory of that person lives on. I won't suggest that I think of each of them every day, but they all come to mind from time to time; some more often than others.

A few years back the father of one of my friends commented that, as he and his wife grew older, they found themselves spending more and more time attending the wakes and funerals of their contemporaries.

It is one of the inevitable facts of growing older: we come to face our own mortality as we confront the deaths of our friends and family.

Generally speaking, children will outlive parents and grandparents. While this has been the case for me, my parents' deaths came far earlier than they should have.

People our own age should live as long as we do. We do not anticipate attending funerals of friends and relatives own age until at least our 60s, if not older.

Unfortunately, due to accidents and disease, we must sometimes confront the death of a contemporary much earlier.

Today, I find myself coming to terms with the death - the murder - of a friend.

Another friend had posted a link on facebook, prefaced with the comment, "I hope I am wrong about this."

He wasn't. I did some digging on facebook, and followed a couple of links to news reports and confirmed his fear. I sat in stunned silence as I came to terms with the news.

I haven't seen Raymond Taavel for over 20 years, but I have heard of him from time to time through mutual friends.

Raymond Taavel
There are accounts in the media of the recollections of people who knew Ray far better than I did, but I believe it's fair to say that anyone who knew Ray at all will miss him greatly.

Ray was a kind, gentle soul.

I met Ray through my involvement with Ontario Youth Parliament - a Christian-based youth conference that brings together young people from across the province to build friendships, debate current issues, and explore their spirituality.

OYP is a model parliament, one that operates with far more decorum than is seen in the "real" legislatures.

I began my involvement with OYP in 1980, when it was held here in the Sault, at St Andrew's United Church. I met so many incredible people there, many of whom have gone on to notable careers in politics, public service, the church, charities, and NGOs. Others have found careers in the private sector, but have brought the values they learned at OYP with them.

Ray was one of those people who wanted to make a difference in the world, and did.

During the late 70s and early 80s the Sault had the largest contingent of delegates at OYP. That often led to a similarly large representation on both the Cabinets and Shadow Cabinets of that era.

I was Leader of the Opposition for the 1982 OYP in Mississauga, and several of the Sault delegates sat on both Cabinets. Ray was the Minister of Individual Discipleship.

As a Christian-based organization, OYP has a strong spiritual element, and Individual Discipleship (ID) was responsible for developing and presenting the theme for the weekend conference.

In 1982 our theme was "A Time for Peace," and our theme song was "Let There Be Peace On Earth."

Ray authored the ID Bill that year - legislation that presented the theme as a pledge that delegates could chose to support. Votes for this legislation were held as silent votes, and "passed in the hearts of those who agree."

This is the text of that bill:

Fourteenth OYP, 1982, Mississauga, Ontario
Legislation re: Individual Discipleship
Moved by: Raymond Taavel
Sconded by: Rosemarie Tkachuk

Whereas:

1. Being a Christian is trying to emulate Christ, the Prince of Peace who was born to bring Peace on Earth, and goodwill toward men; and,

2. Acquiring the virtue of peace and passing it on to our brothers is a Christian's commitment.

Be It Hereby Resolved and Thereby Resolved that:

1. Dear Lord:

We know that peace is so important to the Christian's lifestyle, and that is what we want, to lead a Christian life. Help me to follow Christ's example and strive for His perfection. I know when I have made peace with you, my inner calm will be reflected through my actions to those around me and we will all benefit. Help me Lord to reach those I do not meet in my daily life - the diabetics whose lives depend on a needle - those deprived of the basic necessities of life - and the babies overseas who are allowed to live through our pennies. Lord make me a channel of your peac, as you want me to be. I know the time is now, and now it begins with me.

In your name we pray.

Amen.

2. This motion be put to a silent vote.

I am told, and have read, that Ray lived his life in a way that honoured that legislation; that he promoted peace and tolerance through his own actions.

His was a lifestyle devoted to peace.

When I knew Ray he was just finishing high school, attending St Mary's College. He had applied to Emmanuel College at the U of T, and while I believe he was accepted and did attend, I don't know whether he graduated from the program. I do know that he felt a strong call, at the time, to persue a Theological education.

His current friends describe him as a very spiritual, religious person.

As more details of his death are released, it would seem that his last action was to attempt to break up a fight between two men, one of whom would prove to be his killer.

There is some concern that this was a "hate crime," as his accused killer was heard yelling homophobic slurs as he attacked the them.

We also know that his accused killer was late in returning to a local psychiatric facility; he had been out on a one-hour pass. We do not know, at this point, whether he deliberately sought out and attacked the two men, or if it was just an unfortunate, random encounter.

That Ray was gay doesn't surprise me. Very few gays outed themselves in high school in the Sault in the 1980s. Those of us who knew Ray then never asked because, for us, it really didn't matter.

All that mattered was that we shared a common outlook on life.

We didn't all share the same political or theological views, and over the years I have had many discussions with my OYP friends and others; sometime we would agree, sometimes not. When we didn't agree, we would always agree to disagree.

There was never any animosity.

Ray was one of those friends who often fell into the latter group. But that was okay.

Although I haven't had any contact with Ray for over twenty years, there is now another empty spot in my heart.

I would like to think that our society is moving towards being more tolerant of those who are, in some way, "different." I know, however, that this is not happening quickly, and that there is still a great deal of intolerance.

And that is sad.

Ray, in the past twenty years, had become an outspoken activist for tolerance and gay rights.

Friend and fellow activist Kevin Kindred is quoted as saying that, "More than anything, [Raymond's] philosophy was that hatred should be confronted with love and that violence should be confronted with peace."

I am deeply saddened that Ray's life was tragically cut short in such a violent manner, especially as he was literally confronting violence at the time.

However, I am proud to have been able to call him my friend, even if just for a short time.

Good-bye, Raymond.