Lance Affleck runs over a cat

SooToday.com found the following letter while rummaging through our Saturday-morning bag of e-mails while dining on fresh waffles drizzled generously with St. Joseph Island syrup.

It's probably not news.

We're only posting it here because we like cats.

********************** To whom it may concern

Please print the following letter of apology in your column.

Thanks a bunch. Dear Sir: I was called a murderer on the evening of June 1, and I guess by all standards I am.

Around 8 p.m. of that evening, I was travelling on MacDonald to pick up my wife from work at Bruce and Grosvener Streets.

I was proceeding down the hill following the speeed limit and at the curve at the bottom of the hill (now on Grosvenor), a cat came out of nowhere and into my path.

On my word of honor, I didn't have a chance.

I did swerve to try and avoid hitting the animal but to no avail.

I hit and killed the poor cat.

I was and still am at this time of writing, in a severe state of shock as I am an animal lover.

Unfortunately, probably out of shock more than anything else, I continued on to my destination, still shaking.

There I was accosted and rightfully so by a few people who saw the tragedy and I was called a murderer - that sort of thing isn't done in this neighbourhood, if that had been a child you would be in jail by now.

I agree, I was in the wrong.

I hit the cat, they didn't.

If they only knew how I felt.

My wife and I returned to the scene and I was accosted again.

It was said that pet owners should keep their pets inside or fenced in.

The pet owner didn't hit the cat, I did and I'm deeply sorry.

Unfortunatey, no one knows who the cat belonged to but this is a public apology from me to the pet owner whoever he/she is.

I'm deeply sorry. What the "sidewalk superitendents" don't know is that only seconds before when I was travelling on MacDonald, the light at Pim was green in my favour.

As I approached the intersection, a BB-brained teen-aged cyclist who was on the sidewalk, decided that he wanted to cross on the red light.

He saw me approaching, decided to stop and started heading back to the curb.

I stopped and motioned for him to continue while his equally BB-brained friend stood on the corner laughing and making jest of the situation.

If a car had been behind me when I stopped at the green light, there probably would have been a serious accident. To the owner of the cat, I offer my sincere apologies and condolences and to the parents of the teen-age cyclist, he lives to see another day. Sincerely, Lansing (Lance) G. Affleck (aka Ruff_Cuttz) Panoramic Drive Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario

**********************