Angry Dragons spray over the waves

In their first practise session on Thursday night, the Lucidia Studios Angry Dragons began their epic quest for the 2003 Sault Ste. Marie Dragon Boat Festival championship.

Battling ferocious currents in the Sailing Club basin, the assemblage of superbly conditioned and excruciatingly attractive athletes astounded onlookers by managing to paddle simultaneously in the same direction.

At times, their boat was seen to visibly move in the water.

On June 14, the elite crew will race against 29 vastly inferior entries at Topsail Island in Bellevue Park.

With all eyes now trained on the adorable and highly skilled Angry Dragons, their attention-starved competitors are being forced into cheap publicity stunts.

For example, Nona Grisdale, Jeany White, Lindsay White, Shelley Lamming and Leslie Paquin of the Ontario Works S.S. Minnows team will all be in Toronto next Wednesday to try to gain national exposure (or ridicule) during a taping of the Mike Bullard Show.

"Who knows, he may call upon us and if we get a chance, we may do part of our team chant!" says Grisdale.

EDITOR'S NOTE: It has come to our attention that the author of this article is actually a member of the Angry Dragons Racing Team and is therefore incapable of writing impartially about the 2003 races. For more information about Helwig's appalling conflict of interest, please click here.

Disqualify those awful Angry Dragons, reader demands

The following was received at 5:49 p.m. Friday, via our feedback feature:

I am appauled by the Angry Dragons ability to print such derogitory articles about the SSminOWs.

I am not sure what they are trying to prove.

This event is for charity and if they have to attack other teams to try to get recognition they should be disqualified by the board.

Is this what the Dragon Boat Organization wants to be remembered for?

I vote to have the Angry Dragons disqualified from the race and prevented from further media disclosures.

I also vote the Angry Dragons into Anger Management and they should learn a lesson about team work and how to have fun from the SSminOWs. Thank you...

That wasn't us, Ontario Works says

On Monday, SooToday.com received the following message from Jeany White, co-captain of the SS Minnows: Today I read the letter in the feedback feature about the Angry Dragons.

I feel I must clarify a few things. We (The SSMinnow) did not write the letter which stated that the Angry Dragons should be disqualified.

I appreciate any support that person feels we deserve but we are in the Dragon Boat race for fun! Winning the race is not a priority, our main goal is to have fun, create positive staff morale and support a great charity.

We wish all teams the best of luck and are looking forward to an awesome event.