Confusion at the Rehearsal

A Christmas Story

(Part 1 of 3)

Synopsis

It’s the “Dress Rehearsal” for the community theatre’s annual Christmas Play, and the director arrives early, very excited to get everything ready. Various characters arrive and interact with the Director and each other, all obviously confused as to what’s supposed to be happening. As the chaos reaches a peak, the “Narrator” arrives, and apologizes for being late. When everyone ignores him/her, he/she takes the microphone and begins telling the Christmas Story. The cast take their places as they are mentioned in the story.

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“Why am I always the one that has to do EVERYTHING?” grumbled Eric, dropping an armful of costumes on the tablehecked her watch “Rehearsal starts in ten minutes, and nobody is here but me. Again.”

Eric looked toward the stage door, hoping it would open and the cast would enter. None did, and Eric headed back into the store room.

Angela stepped off the bus and, looking at her watch, hurried toward the stage door.

“Oh my!” she thought as she opened the door and stepped into the backstage area, I thought I was going to be late, but it looks like I’m early.”

She looked around and, seeing the pile of costumes on the table picked one up held it up, looking at herself in the nearby mirror.

“Oh, it looks lovely,” she said, as she slipped it over her head. “And it fits perfectly.”

Just then Eric returned with another bundle of costumes.

“You’re late!”

Angela again checked her watch.

“No, I’m early. Rehearsal doesn’t start for another five minutes.”

“Yeah… well… still, you’re cutting it pretty close.”

“So, where’s everyone else?”

“They’re LATE!” retorted Eric, glaring at Angela.

“Oh.”

“Every year it’s the same thing,” said Eric. “ME, running around getting everything ready, doing ALL the work, and waiting for everyone else to show up whenever they feel like it.”

“Umm, so, why don’t you give it up, and let someone else do it?” asked Angela.

“Oh-ho! You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Looking to take my job, are you?”

Angela was shocked. “Why, no, I –––.”

“Well, you just stick to flapping your wings, and leave the real work to me. I’ve got everything under control.”

“Yes,” said Angela, raising her eyebrows questioningly. “I can see that.”

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In time, the rest of the cast arrived, and changed into their costumes. All the while Eric was huffing about, muttering under his breath.

Three of the cast, dressed as Wise Men, enter were standing off in the wings, having a heated discussion.

“I’m telling ya, it would be AWESOME,” said the first.

“What would?” asked the second.

“CAMELS!”

“Say, WHAT?” exclaimed the third.

“Camels. They’d add realism to the scene.”

Shaking his head, the second Wise Man said, “They’d add camel dung to the scene!”

“Yeah, it would be really ‘awesome’ to have a big honking hunks of camel dung on the stage,” said the third, laughing.

“And don’t forget the Spit!” said the second.

“The WHAT?”

“The SPIT. Camels spit if they get agitated. And they’re deadly accurate, too.”

Eric walked over to the Wise Men, and asked, “Hey! So, are you guys ready?”

They nodded.

“This is going to be the best Christmas play ever,” said Eric.

“I was just saying how much better it would be if we could get some REAL camels…”

“WHAT?” Eric stared at the Wise man, not sure he had heard correctly. “Did you say ‘camels?’”

“Yeah, camels. They’d add a real authentic flavour to…”

“Uh… No,” interrupted Eric. “I don’t think so.”

“See, I told you,” said the second.

“Well, okay… never mind the Camels. How about a Llama.? I know a guy who knows a guy whose sister has a farm, and she’s got llamas, and…”

Wise Man Two and Three turned and stared at him, not sure whether he was joking or not.

“…well, they are SMALLER than a camel.”

“No! No camel. No llama,” said Eric. “Just go over your lines while I check on the others.”

The first Wise Man shrugged and said, “Whatever.”

“Listen,” said the second Wise Man, turning to Eric. “Listen, I want to bring the Myrrh this year.”

“Hey,” said the first, “we’ve been through this before.”

“Yeah, I know, but…”

“We’re,” said the first pointing in turn to the three of them, “Wise Men One, Two and Three, and the presents go in order: Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh.”

“I know, but I always get the Frankincense!”

“That’s because you’re ‘WISE MAN NUMBER TWO,’ said the third, making air quotes.

“Well, I don’t see what difference it makes.” Eric was beginning to get very frustrated. “They aren’t REAL gifts, just empty boxes wrapped in gold foil.”

“I know, but… it’s the principle,” said the second Wise Man.

“Tell you what,” said the first. “If I can get the llama…”

“NO Llama. Everybody gets the presents they are assigned!” Eric walked off the stage in a huff, followed by the three Wise Men, still arguing amongst themselves.

[To Part 2]