Be Not Afraid!

Okay, so here’s what’s happening in my life right now:

I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. While catching up on each other’s news he tells me has sold his house, and I tell him I am heading off to Teacher’s College. The next day he calls and asks, "Do you want to sell your house?" To make a long story short, I said "yes," and after he and his wife came and had a look, they agreed to buy it.

I am leaving the house which I have longest been able to call "home." My parents and I moved in here in April 1978 — the very day I got back from a school band trip to England. I moved out in 1986 to live and work in Southern Ontario, and returned near the end of 1993 when I inherited the house following my parents’ untimely deaths from cancer.

Prior to this I lived in five different houses that I can recall (plus two I was told about before I was old enough to remember), none for more than four years. When I set off on my own, I lived in six different apartments or houses in the span of 8 years.

So, having been able to call this house "home" for 29 years is quite significant.

I have considered selling the house a number of times over the past five or six years. It needs work that I just couldn’t afford, and while I like the house and the neighbourhood, I know that the only thing that has really kept me here was the knowledge that it was my parents’ house; I don’t think I have ever really come to consider it to be "mine."

And yet, I have been reluctant to leave it. I guess, deep down, I was afraid that my memories of my parents were contained within the house itself, and that I needed the house to keep those memories alive.

Most of all, I have simply been afraid.

Afraid of change; afraid of the unknown; afraid of moving on.

As for the memories of my parents, I have come to realize that they do not reside within the house, but within my heart. This message was brought home in the words of headmaster Albus Dumbledore from the Harry Potter books: "Do you think the dead we have loved every truly leave us?"

While I may not have the physical reminders that the house provided — the basement music studio, the kitchen — I will still have mementos and photographs that can serve that purpose.

I found myself addressing the issue of "fear" this past Sunday. I had agreed to substitute for the organist at Emmanuel United Church, and while listening to Rev Nancy Ferguson’s sermon, I was struck by how apropos her message was to my situation.

Nancy began by using a sermon illustration, a story of how composer Ludwig van Beethoven would play tricks on polite patrons. While Beethoven would play one of his softly melodic melodies his audience would often be lulled into a state of semi-slumber. As he played the final notes of the melody, however, he would bring his forearm crashing down on the keyboard and laugh maniacally, jarring his audience out of their stupor.

(The really fun part was that she had me do this, playing the opening strains of the Moonlight Sonata while she narrated the story, and ending with the same cacophonous crash and maniacal laughter!)

She went on to draw a parallel with the message of Jesus from the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 12: "Do you think I am here to bring peace to the earth? No! Rather, strife and division!"

The message of Jesus was that we have become too complacent in our comfort, that we need to climb out of our ruts and make a change in our lives.

In an earlier passage, Jesus’ message to his disciples was, "do not be anxious about your lives, what you shall eat, nor about your body, what you shall wear… Who among you can add one moment to your life’s span by worrying?"

Whether you are a Christian or not; whether or not you believe that Christ was the Son of God, or simply a wise teacher of his time: these are sensible words.

Nancy’s sermon also included an excerpt from the blog of the Rt Rev David Giuliano, Moderator of the United Church, who has recently been undergoing treatment for the recurrence of a cancerous tumour.

David writes, "I think that I am Moderator of the United Church of Canada because God gave me three words to speak: ‘Be not afraid.’"

Here are some of the things David believes about fear:

• Fear is always about the future. We fear neither past nor present.
• As such, fear exists in our imagination.
• Fear can be paralyzing; Fear makes us stupid.
• Fear, when it is our master, is our enemy; when we master it, is our friend.
• Fear is the opposite of faith.

I can relate to those, especially the third point: I know fear has paralyzed me, and made me stupid.

I also know that I can overcome this fear.

The events that led to me selling the house could simply be considered a coincidence, although I have friends who tell me there is no such thing as "coincidence," that all things happen for a reason.

Whatever the case, my paralysis has been lifted, and I am now in the midst of cleaning — there’s a lot of accumulated junk to be tossed-out — and packing. I am moving everything except what I’ll need for the next few months into storage.

At this point I still do not know where I will be living in Thunder Bay, nor in the Sault when I return for my practice teaching. But I am not worried; things will work out.

This isn't to say that things will somehow (perhaps magically?) be easy; after all, having faith isn't about taking the easy way. But I am confident that this is the right thing for me to be doing.

I'm especially confident because Rick and Deb (the buyers) are planning to do much of the same work I have wanted to do; I'm sure my parents would have been pleased with their plans, too.

I’ve spent much of the summer fearful of the unknown that lies before me. The time for fear has ended. I must embrace this change that I have sought.

My situation is certainly not as dire as that which David Giuliano was facing this year, but it still is one of uncertainty and unknown challenges. I must remember the three words of advice he offered:

"Be not afraid."

But… that’s just my opinion.