Family forms lasting connection after mother spends dying days at hospice

Strong and healthy for most of her life, Alice LaRiviere’s health didn’t begin to deteriorate until she turned 90.

She was admitted to Algoma Residential Community Hospice with a variety of serious health issues in April and stayed at the hospice for 83 days until she passed away July 10 at the age of 94.

Alice was the oldest daughter in a family of 12 siblings, and her son-in-law David MacGillivray describes her as “the caregiver for the family, when older siblings took care of the younger ones. She welcomed me into the family and cared for me as well. We called her kitchen ‘Alice’s Spot'.”

Caring for a terminally ill loved one, while a labour of love, is physically and emotionally exhausting for family members, and though they are dedicated to their jobs, staff in regular hospital palliative care wards are often unable to spend enough time with their patients.

Not the case at ARCH says Denise MacGillivray. Since her mother's death, she and her husband often find themselves driving by ARCH, or coming into the parking lot for a visit. 

“She wasn’t in pain,” at ARCH said Denise.

"It’s an anchor spot for us, it’s a heartfelt connection we have. They’re here to let people have a comfortable, natural death,” David said

“She said she felt like she was in heaven here. They kept her spirits up. The palliative care team take over. They would tell the two of us ‘go and have a coffee’ and we’ll come and get you, they went in and freshened her up and put a little bit of lipstick on her and made her look beautiful. They cared for both Alice and the two of us. It was special,” David said.

While appreciative of the entire ARCH team, the MacGillivrays had special words of praise for specific ARCH staff members and volunteers.

“Natasha (Rinaldi, ARCH supportive care manager) started her position at ARCH a few days after Alice was admitted,” David said, thankful for the care Rinaldi showed.

Tom Baeuerle, ARCH’s chef, “would go in every morning and hold Alice’s hand and ask what she wanted for breakfast.”

“Nori (Tapiru-Cormack, an ARCH personal support worker) would go in and see Alice and say ‘I love you Alice,’ and Alice would say ‘I love you Nori,’ and then Nori would go out in the hallway and call out ‘Alice loves me!’ There were things like that, all day, every day,” David said.

In turn, Denise said “it was nice for the staff to have a resident like that, she had a sense of humour.”

ARCH holds an annual butterfly release event in honour of the hospice’s residents who have passed away, each butterly released from small boxes.

“We barely got the box open and my Mom’s butterfly kept going up and up (while other butterflies fluttered around in the air before flying away). It was like she was saying ‘I’ve been here, I’m out of here,’” Denise laughed.

“There still seems to be a strong remembrance of Alice with the staff,” David said, noting she gained strength more than once before passing away, to the point where it was thought she should be transferred from ARCH to a long-term care home (for that reason, Alice is remembered as ‘bounce back Betty’ among the hospice team).

The MacGillivrays dropped by the hospice to arrange to have a memorial plaque installed for Alice, but also to say hello to the staff and volunteers.“They (ARCH staff and volunteers) don’t make light of it (passing away). They make it light,” said Denise.

Residents make a lasting impression on members of the ARCH team, who make a point to get to know each resident.

In her room, Alice loved watching The Young and The Restless.  

“Now, every time I watch The Young and The Restless I think of Alice,” said Julie Premo, ARCH support services manager.