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A wave of light for their deceased children (4 photos)

Families opened up and shared stories about losing children during or shortly after pregnancy

On Sunday at 7 p.m. in New Zealand, parents lit candles in honor of their deceased babies. As the earth rotated, and as each time zone hit 7:00 p.m., candles continued to be lit around the world. When the wave hit Ontario, a group gathered at Sault College to make sure the light shone here as well.

At Sault College, the International Wave of Light was hosted by the local chapter of PAIL (Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network).

The event was to raise awareness about pregnancy loss and its impact.

Women opened up and shared heartbreaking intimate stories about losing babies during or shortly after pregnancy.

Kat Ralph

“After three and a half years of dealing with infertility we finally became pregnant with identical twins. We were excited… but that quickly changed for us,” said Kat Ralph in a talk to the gathered audience on Sunday.

20171015-P-Vigil-JK-5(From left) Jason Ralph, Dominic, 11, Kat Ralph, and Kennedy, 10. Kat and Jason lost three children during pregnancy before Dominic and Kennedy were born. Jeff Klassen/SooToday

On July 3, 2004, at 24 weeks pregnant, Ralph went into labour and doctors were unable to stop it.

Doctors determined her twins, Nickolas and Xavier, died because of an incontinent cervix.

“Our lives were put on a path that you don’t wish on anyone. The life that we knew… it was like life picked us up and threw us into an empty field and said ‘here, find your way out’,” she said. “The next few months were a roller coaster of emotions, and highs and lows that I can’t even begin to explain.”

Ralph got the go-ahead to try again, and five months later she was pregnant again.

Devastatingly, she had a miscarriage and they never knew what gender the child was.

They call that child 'angel baby'.

“I told my husband, if you want to leave, you’re more than welcome to, I completely understand. Because of me you’re grieving over children, and I don’t know if I can give you children... A month later I got pregnant again and I thought, 'I don’t know if I can handle this'.”

During her third pregnancy, at 15 weeks, a fourth scare came when she had to have a cervical stitch put in.

 “I was doing everything that I could to fight.”

That year her son Dominic was born, and almost 12 years later, he’s still here.

Ten months later she had a daughter, Kennedy, who is also still here.

“In the past 13 years, we’ve done the best we can to take it day by day. Every breath we take is a constant reminder of what we will never have with our children. As parents, after you lose a child and you have more children, everything that you experience with your children is a constant reminder of what you will never have with your little ones…then you stop and realize… had things worked out, we wouldn’t have the ones we have now. Do I want to do things all over again? No. Do I want to change anything? No," she said.

Larissa Dawn Mulrooney

On July 16, 2017, Larissa-Dawn Mulrooney gave birth to Arabella.

After a flight to a hospital in London, and 30 hours later, Arabella was gone.

Before the birth, with an echocardiogram, doctor’s found a hole in Arabella’s heart but they didn’t know how bad it was going to be.

Once Arabella was born, they found fluid in her lungs as well, and the cause of death was determined to be lack of oxygen to the brain.

20171015-P-Vigil-JK-7Larissa Dawn Mulrooney, 19, holds a picture of her baby Arabella, who passed away after being alive for only 30 hours in July 2017. Jeff Klassen/SooToday

“As soon as the outside world hit her, she just couldn’t handle it,” said Larissa, who attended the event Sunday.

“I was scared – scared as all hell. I was excited, but once everything kind of went downhill, it was just pain and I was scared the whole time. Even when we went up to London, I couldn’t fly with her or anything. Even on the drive (to London) I was worried for her. I was away for 11 of the 30 hours she was alive.”

In London, Arabella was in pain and doctor’s said that she might only have 2 per cent of her brain function left.

“(We) took out breathing tube and pulled the plug, we had to make a choice to not make her suffer,” said Mulrooney.

“For a while I just kind of cooped myself up in the house and just avoided anything and resorted to crying and I went into not eating not sleeping not doing anything I was doing before…. I just kind of shut myself down,” she said.

“My mom and everyone else started worrying about me. If it wasn’t for my mom and the friends that I did have I don’t know where I’d be at this point.”

Mulrooney attended Sunday’s event to connect with others who went through a similar loss and to honor Arabella.

“Just to remember her in every way I can and do everything I can to just keep her memory alive. If she can’t be there with us I try to be there for her in every way possible.”

Mulrooney’s loss is still very new.

She wears a locket with Arabella’s ashes and she often hugs a teddy bear with a photo of Arabella inside.

As she talked about her daughter, she rubbed the locket.

“Even though she’s not here, she can still experience everything with us,” she said.

Mulrooney was thankful for the support at Sunday's event.

"If everyone can do it together its more support than if we do it on our own... there are not a lot of groups that do things like this for pregnancy loss or infant loss," she said.

Amelia

Amelia's brother Trenton died at 33 weeks from gastroschisis — several organs developed outside his body while he was still in the womb.

Amelia, 6, charmed the audience by opening up and speaking from the heart at Sunday’s meeting.

20171015-P-Vigil-JK-6Amelia, 6, spoke at Sunday's 'International Wave of Light' event. Jeff Klassen/SooToday

“Hello everybody. I’m going to speak about my big brother Trenton. He passed away because he had a hole in his heart. He couldn’t survive. If he did, I would be so excited. I’m so sad that all of you lost your baby and I feel like I’m going to cry someday. And I miss him so much. I wish he would be alive. I just miss him and he, well, if he was alive he would probably be in Grade 8.”

“Not Grade 8, hun, in Grade 4,” said her mother Jennifer Aelick.

“He would... still be in a grade in school. I would think that he went to a really nice school…Thank you.”


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Jeff Klassen

About the Author: Jeff Klassen

Jeff Klassen is a SooToday staff reporter who is always looking for an interesting story
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