To my beautiful mother who passed away one year ago, on April 7th, 2020 just short of her 60th birthday
I can't believe it's been a whole year, and wow what a year it has been...to think last March I was fighting for my right to visit you thanks to COVID-19, and here we are a year later with the restrictions basically back to where they were then. Talk about coming full circle. Something you would say.. But in a way I am grateful that you have missed out on all the hardships COVID has brought everyone in the past year. You found peace in a time when most people could not, so I am thankful for that.
I still think about you every day, I still have fresh memories of you pop into my mind and knock the wind out of me as I realize all over again that you are not here. Sometimes I am lucky enough to hear your laugh in the recollection and it warms me down to my soul. I listen to a Chris Cornell or James Morrison song and my heart practically shatters. God, there are a million songs that remind me of you, many of which evoke happy memories and the visual of you dancing away, on your own of course, not caring what anyone else thinks. I hear a wicked guitar solo and know you'd appreciate it instantly. Thank you for giving me one of the best musical knowledges a kid could ask for.
You live on in the music, in the traditions, in the cooking/baking. Man you'd be proud of how far I've come in the kitchen 'thanks' to this pandemic. I feel so connected to you and grandma when I attempt to re-create one of your many delicious meals. I now have a much greater appreciation of the amount of work it took you to put something like that together. I'm sorry I didn't help you more, I'm sorry about so many things, but I won't get into that now.
When it gets tough I make sure to remind myself of the unbreakable bond we had, and the fact that even though we only had 29 years together, we packed more love into those 29 years than a lot of families share in a lifetime. I would do anything to have you sitting here with me now, telling me not to cry, calling me Saj.. but I am gifted with the hundreds of precious memories, laughs and photos of a mother who loved me more than anything in the world. You made sure in your own way that I would never be without you, so thank you, for everything.
Since we both enjoyed poetry I wrote you a little something:
To think of you as no longer here
Is a concept for months I met with fear
Something I refused to accept
My emotions inept
One year later it’s still unclear
Why, too soon you were taken away
When so many people prayed you would stay
Your very presence a gift
Your smile did uplift
Any who may have lost their way
But still I know through all of this mess
With you as my mother I truly was blessed
Your kindness so rare
It just doesn’t seem fair
There should be more Danas in this world, not less
- Love Sadie
