Ellio Doe 5/8/2014 7:50:02 AM Report
Mother's Day. How many of us can't be with Mom on her special day? So, we send a beautiful bouquet (not cheap to have delivered)to let her know how much we love and care for her. Some parents now live alone having lost their spouse so those flowers are really appreciated. Such is the story of an elderly woman in her 80's in my building but with one heartbreaking twist that has me quite upset and sad.
She is hearing impaired and legally blind being able to see only white objects barely. I spoke to her yesterday as she sat finishing her breakfast of the usual bowl of instant porridge and coffee placed before her by her Personal Care Worker as they must hurry about their business to get to their next client.
She spoke with such sadness of how her worker(s?)took the two bouquet arrangements sent to her for Mother's Day by her only family; a niece and an elderly sister, living far away, and threw them out. I wondered why they'd do that; I asked her.
She said they told her that the worker(s?) had allergies and they couldn't stand the smell of the flowers. This bothered me all last night. I can't understand what is becoming of us when we have such unfeeling regard for a lonely old woman who hasn't been outside her apartment in 5 years, she told me. Her only companion was a radio playing in the background. She said the workers never chatted with her. She complained that her shopping list items she asked her worker to get for her were rarely fulfilled.
I'm sorry but I have to wonder how easy it would be for a worker to use her banking info from her checks, open an online banking in her name and transfer money into their own account as this old woman has no way of calling to verify her balance (she says her special phone machine only has static)..hmm convenient? I, for one, would like to know who is evaluating this woman for her needs. I feel she should be in a nursing home where she is around other people more and not so isolated, and vulnerable..get my meaning? Call me out-of-line if you think I'm wrong in being worried about her but I'm a caring, empathetic person who can't just sit back and watch and do nothing. This woman was calling out in fear and need to me, grasping my hand, pleading. So sad...
I had knocked on her door because I wanted to inquire about her patio set, covered in dust, never being used, no one ever seen on the balcony,mine being beside hers one story up. I'm so glad I went. She begged me to come back and sit and chat, and I promised I would.
But my heart aches at the heartless action of that/those support worker(s). How could they do such a mean thing? They could have easily just put a plastic bag over the flowers for the short period of time they go in to do the necessary duties. She also confided that she suspected money has been stolen from her purse. Her special telephone doesn't work, which is connected with the front door to allow entrance to anyone visiting her. She said she called the police to report her money gone and said they just laughed at her. Could she be making this up? My judgement of her story is 'NO'. She is sound of mind and smart as a whip, she knows what she's saying but apparently no one is there for her to listen and help her.
Would anyone care to voice their opinion on what I can do to help this woman to find some resolve to her problems with her Care Worker(s) and the alleged theft, and also should I help her fill out necessary papers to get on the list for a nursing home? She's living like a recluse chained up in a basement, blind and deaf with no one on the outside to help her.She's slipped through the cracks of the system somehow. She said she hasn't seen a doctor in years!
Remember she is blind and deaf and has no relatives here to speak or act for her. I want to help her but I'm only a neighbor and afraid to be involved and possibly accused of something also.I stay standing at the door so far because of this fear...I've seen this happen too many times before to too many people trying to help someone in this situation. I'm a senior myself in my sixties.
Please help me with this decision to help her, and the safest most helpful way to go about it.I want to befriend this woman as I am also alone and need a friend.
tea granny 5/8/2014 8:01:41 AM Report
If you have serious doubts contact the community care access centre, as they are the ones who provide personal care workers to the elderly. I worked as a visiting homemaker for eight years and we were under very strict guidelines and supervision. I did however ss many incidents of abuse of the elderly from family members such as pressure to give money.
tea granny 5/8/2014 8:06:10 AM Report
She may be on a waiting list for a nursing home, but this can take a long time.
soowat 5/8/2014 8:32:12 AM Report
Because of the cost cutting there is incredible pressure on the PSW staff to make the visit as short as possible in order that more visits can be be crammed into a day. If they take the time to have a conversation or (God forbid) a cup of tea, the worker is chastised for being too slow. The employer attitude causes the good one's, for the most part, to leave. This turnover provides a barrier to the PSWs getting to know their clients on anything more than a perfunctory level.
irishfey 5/8/2014 10:23:46 AM Report
Just a quick hello this morning.. I have a full day of work planned..... Ellio Doe... God bless you! Stories like this a far too many and it breaks one heart to see. I don't know what the answer would be but if i were you,,, maby try and contact the Niece and explain the situation to her. She might give you insite of what to do. If you are in your sixtys and of good health, maby you could step in and be the friend she needs. Either put a stop to the PSW's coming over and help her yourself ( thats what i would do ) or at least be there when they did come to see her and be her eyes and ears for her. Those flowers are most likely sitting in someone elses house.. Shame!! I would try and get permission from the Niece to do this but it seems this Lady has been lost to all, maby even her family. I have two PSW's in my family and they would not dream of doing such behaviour, but there are good and bad in all and looks like this Gal got the bad. You said you also needed a friend? Well sometimes the Lord puts people in our path just at the right time in our lives and this might be your calling to help someone out. If you could be there when the PSW's come, just having tea with the Lady, no one would suspect that you are doing anything but that, and you can be rest assured the work that this Lady needs would get done. DON'T ever be intiminated by these folks and be asked to leave,, that is not their call!! I hope all goes well with you and her. I think this Lady just found her Angel,, God bless!!.. Please keep us all updated on this situation... many more will give you advice too as we care in here........
irishfey 5/8/2014 10:32:42 AM Report
Ellio doe.. Don't let fear stand in your way of helping this Lady out. I see what you mean out being afraid of the situation and being accused of things. Best way to handle that is to bring another trustworthy neighbour into the mix and then you can back each other up as to not being accused of any wrong doing... This poor soul could be your Mother, my Mother etc. and i myself would appreaciate your help in a case like this... Ladies.. band together.. we need each other!!
celeste5 5/8/2014 10:33:47 AM Report
The advice Tea Granny gave you is a step in the right direction.
Don`t be afraid to act on it,
Glad to hear you care about her situation.
mallet 5/8/2014 11:36:17 AM Report
Running late today, oversept as the storm woke me up at five o'clock and then dropped off when it was nearly time to get up, such is the retired life...
The ice has all drifted back in and just patches of open water visable now, rather depressing sight, been white out there too long.. Some logs have come to life and the chainsaw can come and earn its' keep once more. The other jobs on the "Honey Do" list will have to take a number...
I regret I can offer no advice beyond what has already been said, it is unfortunate that in many cases the "Family Idea" has broken down, and in todays "ME" system I see no hope of it ever coming back.. But do what you think is best for the lady , Ellio Doe..
As I look out now it does not seem to be that bad of a day...
You all take care out there...
irishfey 5/8/2014 11:56:17 AM Report
Mallett.. The " honey do list " is never ending,lol.. Take is easy with the wood, one piece at a time, your back and body comes first. I think we are all going to have to be like Spelly and grow our gardens inside this year. So we have dirt in the house, at least we get to eat. Mrs Spelly.. we now have five pots of soil in the kitchen warming up to plant some seeds.lol... And btw,, The toliet was broke last week, but Hubby fixed it ( yes Mallet, i know ), but guess where the tools are?? .. Yep, Still behind the toliet!!!.. I give up !! ,lol....
irishfey 5/8/2014 12:42:57 PM Report
Mallet.. We are getting the thunder here now, as well as early morning, and the power keeps flicking off and on. I myself love the thunder etc. and all, but not Buddy. Is going to be a slow workday with him stuck to my feet ,lol
irishfey 5/8/2014 3:21:29 PM Report
Who says that Politics and Christianity can't be discussed together. The B.R is living proof and has been all done in a respectable manner! No insults or name calling.. only " nutbar " but that actually was a truth.lol. A hate filled propaganda post was pulled so i guess that Sootoday and some posters really means business! Good!!.... bounder, the only shorthand i have seen lately is on the kids fb.... "you", is u, and " are " is r . The rest of their talk sometimes don't even make sense ,.. Just getting old i guess.lol... Later...
rockbanger 5/8/2014 3:29:22 PM Report
Perhaps the greatest Mother's Day gift I have ever witnessed.
God Bless all Mom's.
irishfey 5/8/2014 3:45:20 PM Report
soowat.. I can remember a time ago when my Mother In Law had a PSW coming in to the house. My Mother In Law hated her coming over and said she was too rough with her, bathing etc. One morning i came over and bathed Mom and did all her necessary things ( I didn't know that the PSW was supposed to come that day ) While having coffee with Mom, the PSW showed up and when she seen that all was done she pulled up a chair and poured herself a coffee. I mentioned that there were a few dishes that could be done but she looked in the sink and said there was not enough really to do. I politely told her that she could leave and go to her next appointment ( Mom didn't want her there ), but refused and said that she had to spend her time there or she would not get paid, so she sat there for an hour, drinking coffee and reading books, never once talking to Mom. I never said anything but now i wish i had given her the boot!.. She never came back though and i took over my Mother In Law's care.. no charge! It was the other family members choice to get the PSW as they had no time for her. Sad, sad, sad. Some of us are getting up in age and should really start to look into who's going to be careing for us.....
mallet 5/8/2014 4:27:52 PM Report
Yes, this is the problem for a lot of seniors and it comes to all of us, in one form or another. You can all rebuke me for this, but I for one do not want to be "warehoused" in an old folks home. Once my useful life has been completed I shall be quite happy to pass away/die/move on whatever you want to call the cessation on life. Just because modern medicine can prolong life the question of quality to quantity becomes the sticking point, and I, for one think I should have the power over that decision, in my case I will. Do I really want to meet my maker too soon, no, but it will come my time, and I think it should be my decision. Both my parents have been gone quite a few years now, My father had a stroke and was resusitated and was an invalid for the rest of his life, which was very hard for him, one day he walked the dog 5 miles the next day he never did that again. He used to have to go to a nursing/respite home every few months for a week or two to give my mother a rest, because there was no DNR at that time he was resusitated 5 times in the next seven years, until he died at home with my mother by his side. My mother died at the Plummer old peoples ward, my wife having hurt her back lifting her and was unable to care for her, and I was working away and could not get home, we had home help until such time as the doctor said she needed 24hour care, which we were unable to provide.. Is there a answer to which everyone is happy with, I doubt that very much, one just has to make the best decision for themselves when that time comes...
Spellchecker 5/8/2014 7:47:37 PM Report
For the past few weeks we have been without a washing machine. This is extremely difficult for Mrs. Spelly as she is known as "the laundry queen". Seeing as Spelly is NOT known as Mr. Fix-it, we enlisted the help from our neighbour who is known as "Mr. Fix-it".
The fan belt is no longer hanging on the towel rack, all the tools are put away and the new pump is installed; thanks to our neighbour.
Naturally, the laundry queen got right at it. All the laundry is washed and WAS hanging on the clothesline. This is where "Mr. Not Fix-it", aka Spelly comes in to HELP. As you may remember, the greenhouse is tied to the clothesline. Now, I am not saying that this caused the problem but may have contributed. The clothesline fell with all the clean towels, sheets and underwear along with some other whites.
So, Spelly headed out in the rain, which was now falling, got the big axe and tried to adjust the chain to pull the pole backwards. Didn't work.
So, Spelly got the line dividers thinking that he could somehow pull the clothesline back up. Didn't work.
Down came the pole, crashed onto the yard table and fortunately didn't do any more damage. So, now we need to put in a new pole along with a new clothesline.
Spelly enlisted my assistance to bring ALL the tomato plants into the house from the greenhouse after he heard the weather. We are expecting high winds tonight so I wonder where we will find the greenhouse in the morning????
celeste5 5/8/2014 8:07:26 PM Report
You have a good sense of humor,
I bet you both laugh a lot.
The Queen And The Klutz
soowat 5/8/2014 9:51:59 PM Report
I hope you used any profanity in a grammatically correct fashion.lol
irishfey 5/8/2014 11:53:09 PM Report
Mallet, gee i am saddened that your Dad had to go through so much for such a long period of time, your Mom too, and you and the Mrs. I really don't have the answers to how ones life is going to be played out when the end nears, none of us really do. I'm trying to think of something to say but feel like i'm lost for words. make sense? We just don't know what lies ahead for us and even with the proper planning, things could turn out not as planned. My feelings on this matter is that it's not up to me of the time i make my departure from this world, i leave that up to my Maker, but i do understand how you feel. A friend of mines Mom is 93 and still lives by herself, does her own cooking, housework and even sits and has a beer with her family. I think that a persons health has a lot to do with becoming Eldery, as for the ones that are not in such great health, the decissions are hard to make. The DNR is fine but if you could be bought back to a fair state in body and mind then i would oppose it, but who knows what any outcome would be. Neither myself nor my Hubby would like to become of a vegetable state,( sorry at this choice of words) and would not want to be a burden to each other. As far as being put in a home, i would go there but not go to a large place where you may get lost in the system. In Thessalon, there is The Manor, a small but more caring place and i think i would rather go there. I would not go to stay with my kids unless i could be a help to them in some way and even then i don't think i would. All we can really do is try and stay as healthy and fit to prolong the day that will effect us all and make the best plans we can and hope for the best. I know that it will be a tough choice even for our Children as it was for you with your Mom, but if we need the 24hr. care that can't be given at home, what choice do we have? I am in control of my Sons last wishes and he has warned me that i'm not to keep him alive if he was in such a bad state, but how could a Mother pull the plug on her own Son? I know that i would have to do it though and it would tear my heart out but i would respect his wishes! I best go now as i seem to be babbling, truth is ,, i just don't have the answers. In my faith i just have to leave it to the Lord and trust that HE knows best... goodnight dear.....